Don’t Talk: How We Treat “Negative” Emotions I bet all of you have heard phrases like “Being angry is bad,” “Why Do you envy her?You’re no worse,” and “Stop being sad and do something finally! All those sayings, though most of the time originating from a desire to help, perpetuate harmful beliefs about some emotions being bad, and some others being good.
Don’t Talk: How We Treat “Negative” Emotions I bet all of you have heard phrases like “Being angry is bad,” “Why Do you envy her?You’re no worse,” and “Stop being sad and do something finally! All those sayings, though most of the time originating from a desire to help, perpetuate harmful beliefs about some emotions being bad, and some others being good.As it turns out, correctly managing your emotions can be much more productive then shutting them down and pretending that nothing is happening.
We believe that one good example is twice as useful as a lengthy article full of theoretical knowledge.
So without further ado, we present to you our recent speech.
I, like Shapiro, believe that Human Beings are in state of “perpetual emotion” (Shapiro, 2001).
In any kind of negotiation, with a colleague or a friend, we constantly experience effective states or emotions in different situations such as anger or anxiety.
For a negotiator, emotions are seen as an impediment to avoid at all costs.
However, as negotiators are common human beings, this advice is very difficult to follow and often makes things worse (Shapiro, 2004).Of course, no one would say a word if you felt happy, excited or inspired – all those emotions are “good” and, therefore, allowed to be experienced.But what’s with the other side of the emotional palette?So next time you google “how not to feel angry” or “how not to be sad,” stop and ask yourself what these emotions are trying to tell you about your own state and your environment.Once addressed correctly, they will become a powerful compass to rely upon.These two factors combined make us seek remedies that will make us resistant to feeling bad emotions and, in extreme cases, feeling at all.It is true that, if left unattended, strong emotions can leave us riddled with pain and doubts.Research has shown, as we will see in the following pages, that Emotions are stimulated by the context surrounding us, by our own actions and thoughts and by the actions of our counterparty toward us.In these pages I will discuss the role of emotions in negotiations and how can we understand, use or control them to serve the collective interests of the parties around the table.The second is probably that, as kids, we aren’t given much time to explore and analyze our inner states.The upbringing of most of us is focused on doing rather than being, which is why when we encounter new emotions we don’t know what to do with them, or rather, how to be with them – how to describe the experience and what those emotions exactly have to say.